Juanita's story

FEAR, a word that has come up a number of times in our home.... I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Our oldest son Isaiah has been having trouble at night going to bed because his fears have gripped him so tightly that it has been consuming him. As a mother, we never want our children to have such fears, but what do you do when you can't 'make' it go away? What if in your world, you can't make the physical fears just disappear and say they don't exist?

We have had so many changes in our world the past 2 months, but especially the last few weeks. I know that this is a terrible thing to bring up, especially for our friends and family who have had to endure a very cold and long winter, and we are NOT complaining, but the heat has definitely been a change. It takes its toll on everyone especially the women and children!! lol Annah was wishing for the snow and wanting some relief from the heat the other day.

School has been another adjustment, and we are so proud of the kids for their attitude and ability to slide into another group of kids and pick up with their schooling. Isaiah and Annah's teacher, Edwin says that they are an answer to prayer because he has been hoping for a way to further his english and so now every friday the grade 3's, 4's and 5's have English class with none other that Miss Annah and Mr Isaiah!!! :) We cannot get over the overwhelming kindness and generosity of the kids at school. They have been showered with little gifts and these things they call 'tazo chips' all so they can play and be included in the group.

The sounds that we hear are new! Its not so much what we hear as it is when we hear it. For example, let's talk about the garbage truck. I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that we have garbage pick up here. Because we live on a corner we get garbage picked up on M,W,F and on the other days T,Th,S also get the pick up! This is amazing for someone who gags at the smell of garbage and can get rid of it every single day! The teeny issue is that to let you know they're coming they bang on a piece of metal with another large piece of metal clanging to all in hearing range that they are near! I wish you could hear it... its something else! Still, not a HUGE problem you might say? Well, 2 days ago they came at 3:45 AM!!! And most other days its anywhere between 5 & 6 AM.... Why not put it out the nite before you ask? Because the dogs tear it apart and spread it as far as they can. Another great thing for a gagger!! I'll say no more on the issue. Except that when the garbage isn't being picked up the army is running by singing their song!! Also between 5 & 6, just when you've fallen back asleep from being woke up from the clanging!!!

The presence of the army is seen everyday. They are many, and for the kids especially, its different to see guns everywhere you go. Some of them even wear a black ski mask to intimidate even more! Here they are seen as protection and are very friendly to everyone passing by. They are doing their job, well I think. It's just that we never see guns at home.

A new Home, which has been a huge blessing. We live in a great duplex, with the McAllisters below. Its safe, clean and in a great location. The hospital, police station, church, market, school, central park and Super Selecto (grocery store) are all within a 5 block radius.

New rules for driving apply! Like when you want to make a left hand turn, it's a good idea to shoulder check over your left shoulder because chances are good that someone is still going to try and pass you on the left! People pile into the backs of the trucks here like we pack cattle into a truck! They are hanging off everywhere, and not just in town but down the highways!! Its common to see a couple of people just sitting or laying on top of a huge load of bricks or produce on a flatbed just cruising down the highway! I wish I had a picture to show you!

Honking is a given, people are always honking! Sometimes to just say

'hello', or to let you know they're there, or 'please open the gate' or "I am going to drive over you if you don't get out of the way!!" Carie and I took turns driving to the capital yesterday, we did very well and only had a couple of angry honks!!!

Smells. This is an entire topic for me. As I mentioned earlier I gag a lot, and I am getting better! But I do miss our clean streets, and no littering bylaws! When we came back from a field trip on friday, as we neared San Vicente the kids and parents started unloading their garbage out the bus windows!!! Sometimes the smell is a bit much and combined with the heat, smoke from burning garbage and the cheese and meat in the market, it can be a bit overwhelming at times.

Why tell you all this, and what does it have to do with fear? Well for some, I can just hear you say, "why would you ever want to go there? Are you not afraid?" My answer of course, sometimes yes, but compared to the fear others live in each day, these things are not something to fear but only to get used to!

I want you to meet our good friend Juanita! Juanita is 44 yrs old and lives in a small 2 bedroom house with 3 of her 5 children and 1 grandchild. Juanita's husband was shot while at work driving a bus exactly 2 years ago. Why? Because he was told he needed to pay the $3000.00 for the deeds to his house. He had already spent years paying this off and when it came time to get the papers, they said they'd never paid and wanted the money! Of course they couldn't pay this, so they shot him. 38 yrs old, 5 children, 2 grandchildren, and a wife left without work. The bus was full of people and the police were called, but because there is such a fear of what might happen if they stand up and make a statement of what they saw, not one person stood up! So the police can do nothing. Juanita has had little work since (and what she had paid very poorly) She is often afraid to be in her house for fear they might return! She is always looking over her shoulder. She was very nervous around the anniversary of the shooting last week that they might return... Thankfully, nothing happened. When she came to work in our home 3 weeks ago, she was so thankful to have work, to be able to do what she loves..... cook (which we are all thankful for) :) and be in a home that feels safe to her. The other day she apologized for being late, because when she went to leave her house there was a drunk man outside her door and she could not get passed him! She is lovely and is great with the many children we have and we all love having her in our homes. I can't think of what it would be like to have this kind of fear? Do I look over my shoulder ever? No. Do I wonder where I'm going to get food to feed my family? No. Do I hope that my child won't die because I can't take them to the Dr knowing they have Dengue fever? No. Have I ever wondered if my husband is not going to come home at the end of the day? No.

She was sitting with one of the kids helping them with their spanish one day when I noticed she was holding the book very close. I wondered if maybe she couldn't read, but then quickly realized that it wasn't because she didn't know how, it was because she couldn't see! We were able to take her in to see a Dr and have her eyes checked! She now has a pair of bifocals and a smile on her face!

She also has such huge faith. However after her husband died she did not return to church. Pastor Jorge would ask her everytime he saw when she was coming back. All along this time she continued to pray. She told me that the night before she started to work with us, she spent the night on her knees praying that she would find some work, so she could feed her children. She said God answered her prayer with a resounding YES when the very next morning we went with the Pastor's wife Maritza to find her in the market and ask her to come work with us. She left what she was doing immediately and followed us home!! Two weeks ago she met us at our house on Sunday and came with us to church. To see her eyes filled with tears and her heart filled with the holy spirit that day was an amazing sight for us all to see. This is her story, and she is our friend. We have many more stories like Juanita's and people we want you to meet.

So what do I really have to fear? Not too much. And when I do, there is nothing I can do but give it to my Father. We all have fear, it just looks different. We were not made to live in fear and there is very little that we can do on our own to get rid of it! Maybe by hearing what other people fear every single day, may make our own fears seem not so bad.

Kerrie-Lynn